It has been one of those weeks. well, like three weeks lately. I have not been doing very well on my health journey. I am still exercising. I am walking every day. I just am not putting a lot of effort into my exercising. I am also watching what I am eating but I am not sticking to my shakes and bars like I should be. why? I’m not sure. I want to say it is all stress/anxiety related but I know there is more. lack of motivation? lack of seeing the numbers go done?
my stress/anxiety has been thru the roof lately because it is the last week of school. yes, I know I shouldn’t be under that much stress but this Saturday the kid leaves to go to his moms for two months. two whole months. aware from his dad and I. two months three states away. it is scary. every possible wrong thing goes thru my head. i’m barely sleeping because i’m worrying. i’m not getting anything done in the house because I am so anxious I can’t concentrate. I am not doing my 110% at work because I am anxious.
anyone that asks why I am so anxious, I tell them he is my kid. my kid is leaving for two months. what am I going to do with myself? his dad is trying to focus on other things… work, fishing, friends, family etc. Anything to not think about him not having his baby boy around.
in the last couple of weeks we have been trying to get as much things in as possible to spend time with him. we don’t want him to go and worry about it constantly but we are not letting him now that it is bothering us. he knows we are going to miss him but he does not know it is because of the situation with his mother.
with all the stress/anxiety i’m just not myself. when I’m stressed I do stupid things. like everyone really. I pick fights with my bf. I pick fights with my mom. I take out my frustrations and anxiety on anyone that is close. it is not a healthy way to express myself I know, but it is the way I can get it out there. I also have neglected myself. i’m not doing my health journey, i’m not doing any tasks on my to do list.
I keep telling myself, it will be ok. on Saturday he will go with his mom. everything will be ok. in the back of my mind tho, I think that I am going to be ok but then again…I think about the two months that he will not be around to share things with.
I will get thru this.