it has taken me a while to write this challenge for week one. I didn’t know where to start about self love. I know I don’t always show myself love. I am my own worst enemy. I am horrible to myself and hold myself to unattainable standards. I needed to work on finding out what self love is to me to find out how I was going to approach this week one challenge.
to start I looked online about what self love is. I found a number of different things. self love is taking care of yourself. loving yourself and worrying about your self. it is taking care of yourself first. you need to take care of yourself to understand how much you are worth.
I wanted to list all the ways that I am hard on myself:
- Weight. I am trying to lose weight. but I feel like I am still not very attractive.
- Being the perfect stepmom. if you have read any on my other blogs you know that I am a “stepmom” to my bf sons of 6 years. I am constantly having to prove to myself that I am doing everything right.
- OCDness when it comes to my house. I grew up with my mother who would get so upset when she came home from work and her house wasn’t spotless. I found recently then I am the same person. I get upset if the dishes or laundry is not done.
- Anxiety over my bf mom. she causes a lot of anxiety for me. so much that I hate who I have become in the last couple of months.
- Obsessing over the past. I work in a new office, be happy. stop thinking about the previous office. stop beating myself up about other people in the office and their negativity.
After coming up with this list I wanted to just write what I would do different and move on to the next post. then I sat here thinking, that isn’t going to help me any. i’m not giving myself self love. I’m just moving on to the next topic and not learning anything from it. I found ways that I could practice self love other than focusing on the ways I am hard on myself. I looked on pinterest and found a lot of helpful articles.
I decided that I would use this to help love myself.
1. fix what needs to be fixed–what I find that is stopping myself the most from loving myself is my weight. I am constantly looking in the mirror saying “if you were only skinnier.” I keep thinking, “when you lose the weight.” I took charge of this problem and I am going thru a weight loss management class but I think that I need to get a different mind set. I am doing this for myself, no one else.
2. you aren’t perfect- I can’t be the perfect step mom or gf. no one is perfect. I need to stop beating myself up when I come home and I let the dirty dishes go because we are playing a game or watching a movie. it is ok to take a break. it is ok to take a walk, read a book, or watch a movie without regrets and worries.
3. know yourself- i’m still working on this. I want to be the gf and step mom that I know I can be.
4. forgive yourself- I need to let go of the past. I need to let go of the issues I have with my old job. I need to let go if another coworker says something stupid to me, just brush it off. let go of the anxiety I feel towards my bf mom.
5. practice self care- I put together a list of ways that i am going to practice self care. read, blog, walk in the morning, wear make up, smile in the mirror and tell myself i am perfect and beautiful.
6. don’t give up. don’t give up. don’t give up. don’t give up.
to hold myself to these things of practicing self love, i have decided to do a habit tracker in my bullet journal. I am going to include a weightloss tracker with rewards for every couple pounds i lose. i am not going to count when i do dishes or laundry. this causes me anxiety because if i don’t do it then i get upset. i get upset because i was doing something different. anxiety is contagious, and so is calm. i also need to relax when it comes to parenting. i cant be perfect. i need to stop second guessing myself. i need to stop comparing myself to others because i am the one here standing in my shoes, no one else. you can do anything but not everything. the past, its hard to forget. i work in an environment that is hateful at times. i need to learn to let go of the past. just ride this wave. i need to work on my relationship with my bf where it isn’t around how is mom causes me anxiety. we need to talk more and get it out in the open without getting so upset with each other. i think we are going to start going to counseling or i will start going. i need a way that i can communicate with him about his mother and i how i feel without causing so many issues between us. i need to practice self care and not hold everything so close when i get upset with what she does.
sometimes when you are in a dark place, you think you have been buried but actually you have been planted. i am hoping from this exercise that i am to see that i am worth loving. i will start to love myself more and treat myself better. i will take time for myself and not hold my self up to standards that i know no one can achieve, let alone myself.