parenting is hard. it is especially harder when you have two households, yours and the other parents. I am the bf significant other and he has a 10 year old son. ive done other posts before about him.
today we are faced with an issue that we don’t know how to handle. we found out that he has been lying to us about school. we were taking his word for it, why wouldn’t we?!? he hasn’t really lied to us in the past. every kid tells a lie, they don’t want to get in trouble. adults lie. but we are trying to prevent him from lying to us.
we dealt with the situation quietly. we didn’t yell or scream. we asked calmly why he was lying… he wanted to play and have family time. getting in trouble in school isn’t an automatic we wont have family time. its the lying to use and covering it up. he hasn’t only lied to us but other family members.
i’m writing this post in the other room because I know I need to cool down. I need to walk away and think before dealing. I can’t deal with the situation when I am angry. angry makes the situation worse, he cries and doesn’t really listen. we both yell and he just cries some more. no we do not make him cry on a daily basis. he just is one of those kids that if you raise your voice he is very emotional. that is why we walk away and deal when we have to think about things.
you don’t want to screw up your kid. you want to teach them respect, trustworthiness. you want them to become like you. but what happens if you think you are screwing your kid up?
are we making a wrong decision by walking away first? should be attack right away? parenting books say no.
do we ground right away with a certain action? how long is grounding for a 10 year old? what do you ground him from when he is completely happy with just reading and playing with simple things because we don’t watch a lot of tv?
do you not do your plans because of his actions? research says no, don’t change your plans and suffer yourself. we have a family dinner tomorrow. I wanted to cancel because it is kinda geared to him because he is leaving. I wanted to cancel because he sees it as a treat. my bf says no to canceling that we should still go because its a family thing. yes, we should go. family is family. but how is it ok to reward bad behavior is my thinking. I try to look back on when I was younger…did my parents hold me back from family activities? no, I wasn’t really in trouble.
we have a huge camping trip with boy scouts this weekend. huge. do we cancel because it is a good punishment? or do we let him go and try to tell him that lying isn’t acceptable? ( we have already done this, just doing it more and stating that if he hadn’t lied to us so much that it would have changed things)
parenting is hard. we are trying not to screw up. we look to our own parents and wonder, how did they do it? did they make all the right choices? the must have because of where we are today? I’m sure they have come to situations that we have. we have asked our parents for advice…we take some and we don’t. that is another issue especially with the bf mother.
we have also looked into a lot of things about why he is lying. we know he wants to play outside. we know he loves having family time. we all do. but the lying is not acceptable. we know that the behavior is usually something that is bothering him…for example, his mother left for another state and really isn’t in the picture right now. that is heartbreaking for a child. we are trying to make the most of it right now.
I guess this post is about how we don’t want to screw up as parents. we want to make sure that he does good. we know we are just facing an obstacle together that we need to learn from, that’s parenting. in the same time it sucks. it really sucks. I guess we will do what we think best and hope that we didn’t screw up.