Everyone loves holidays. I love holidays. being with the family. not having to work. eating everything that I want. hanging out with friends and family. fun times. annoying times with family members.
holidays bring a lot of fun but they also bring a lot of stress for you. I don’t want to sound like a selfish prick or anything so if you think I am being one, please just stop reading. this is my rant about holidays, family, and future in laws.
my bf son lives with us full time. he used to see his mother but she has left the state and now does not see him. before she left, holidays were all about how were we going to see our families and spend time with him while making sure she saw him. we would go from one house to the other. wheeling and dealing with her regarding time. trying to get as much time with him as a family a possible. I know that she was prob doing the same thing…maybe. he has missed out a lot with our family and i’m sure with hers.
I know there are always two sides of every story. I don’t want to paint my side of the story like it is the best one in the world. its not. no ones story is the best. but in the back of my mind, I know keeping him living with us is the best choice for him. we know that he has a bed, clothes, a home. he knows where he is safe. he knows that if he needs something, he doesn’t have to wait for it, he just asks. he never goes hungry. his father fought hard for custody of him and will not let her get any back. I won’t go into details why she lost custody other than she won’t be allowed to have him back.
with her not being in the same state you would think that holidays are going to be a breeze.
oh so WRONG.
we now have bf mother being controlling. she wants him every other weekend when his mother used to have him. every time we go over there she wants him to be able to spend the night. I have put my foot down and so has my bf. we have set ground rules and explained to her many times where we are coming from. this is our first holiday that we do not have to split time with his mother and we want to have some of our own holiday fun as a family of three. I understand she wants to spend time with her grandson, but I feel like she never wants us to not do anything without her permission.
easter breaks usually comes with coloring eggs. I knew that Thursdays are when she usually gets the other grandchildren and counted on her doing that. I knew that I would have to compromise my plans of being at home relaxing and playing a game as a family for her happiness. but most importantly his happiness being around his cousins. in the back of my mind, I knew that she was going to want to keep him over night because of no school tomorrow. I was being selfish I know. I didn’t want to go over there for dinner or to color eggs because I know what she was going to ask for. but she did something else, she cancelled and I know just know what she is up to. I sound so stupid I know but this is what I deal with on a weekly basis.
we are having the bf easter with his family on Saturday. if she decides to do coloring of eggs on Friday, then she will ask for him to spend the night Friday to Saturday. I know, we should just let him do it but then what about us coloring eggs at our house??!? she hasn’t come out to say that is what she is going to do but I have a feeling. my bf knows as well because when I was asking him questions, he was trying not to answer. he doesn’t tell me everything when it comes to his mom because he knows she gives me a great deal of anxiety.
so the big question is now… do we let him spend the night Friday to Saturday and not do eggs at our house?
do we say no to her and him and look like the bad guys? this usually happens.
I know what you are thinking. I have this convo with myself many times. I look at the possibilities at all angles. I do a pro and con list. I look up things on pinterest about how to parent with overbearing grandparents. it always come back to what would make him happy. sometimes I want to be selfish and say I WANT TO BE HAPPY TO!
usually when he spends the night with his grandma, we hear about it the next day about how tired she is, how rowdy the kids are and they never listen. how they tore up her house and now we have to clean it. or we find out that they stayed up till 4 am watching tv and playing on the ipads.
am I a bad person to be writing this? i’m I being logical or just a whine ass? I know I whine.
I guess the whole reason for this post is to get out my anxiety about the holidays. I don’t know what we are doing. I’m trying not to be a jerk and fight with the bf. i’m also trying to be happy. it is hard. I have bitten my tongue a lot the last couple of days.
I know that the bfs side of the family is Saturday and that means mine is sunday. which is another issue in itself. that anxiety is mostly related to how critical my mom is of me right now because of my weight. she knows I am doing weight loss and she is constantly looking at me and judging me.
wow, so I reread my whole post and I just sound like a rambling whiner. oh well, I want to blog about who I am. who I am today was the worry wart that has so much anxiety about this weekend I don’t know what to do.
I guess we will wait and see how the next couple of days pans out!