Hey everyone! I know that I have been missing for the past couple of weeks but it has been a busy couple of weeks! we went boy scout camping, getting ready for school, and now on to the second week of school getting into a routine.
we don’t have issues with discipline or behavior to much… well ok, we have a 10 year old boy that is everything like his father! lol. he is a chatty kid and in school it tends to get him in trouble.
the fiancée and I talked about the kid and how we didn’t really want to give him an allowance for chores, grades, or doing good in school. don’t get me wrong, it shows kids how to manage money by reward and consequence. but how we saw it, we never were given an allowance because as a family you help out around the house, this including chores. we don’t want me to think about the chores as a punishment but what he does to contribute to the family.
I know a lot of people may or may not agree with this. my own mother doesn’t agree with it. she says he should have an allowance for chores and grades because then he sees what happens when he is good. I was like “Mom, I never got an allowance!!!”
so instead of rewarding with money we decided to do something different. I put together a couple containers that I bought from the dollar store. really everything came from the dollar store, I think I spent about $7.
what I bought at the dollar store was four containers, two packages of pom-poms and popsicle sticks that are colored.
we knew that the kid was getting points in school based on his behavior. if he was given a warning or points were taken away we were notified thru an app on our phone.
the kid likes to talk. he is a talker. its not really a disruptive talking per the teacher but more like he wants to help other kids and he talks. last week he was telling us that he was doing very well in school to come to find out that he is not… he was being warned every day because of the talking. we knew it was coming. we were hopeful it would not be a problem. the lying was the other big issue. he wasn’t telling us the truth. he knew that we might not know what is going on in school if we didn’t ask the teacher. what he didn’t know was that I was in contact with the teacher all week and I found out that no…he was not doing very well and continued to lie to his dad and I.
after a couple of days of looking into ways for discipline that would work for him we came up with a reward and consequence jars. each day he can get pom-poms from his dad or I.
pom-poms are rewarded with no warnings in school, no points taken away, chores done correctly with no reminders, no back talking, putting clothes away correctly, etc.
when he gains pom-poms, he can “cash” them in for popsicle sticks based on how many he has. each color of popsicle stick was assigned a number (red 160, orange 125, yellow 100, green 75, blue 50, purple 10). he can “cash” in any day or at the end of the week. we explained that if he waits he could gain all 160 pom-poms to gain a red popsicle. on each popsicle I have labeled rewards based on how many pom-poms and how long it could possibly take him to achieve them. the reds are worth more, some of the rewards are going out to movie and dinner, dinner to his place of choice, $10 to spend. the rewards go on from there. you can see in some of the pictures what I wrote on them.
we are hoping that doing this is showing him that when he is doing good in school as well as expectations around the house are done then he can benefit from them.
now, I don’t want you to think that he goes without. he does not. if we go to the store and he sees something that he would like to have, we buy it depending on the situation and if we think that he deserves it at that time. we will continue to do that but this gives him something special knowing that he did this because of his good actions. does that make sense? or only in my head??!
for bad behavior like warnings, points being taken away, not doing chores, back talking, lying, etc then he has a consequence jar. in the past couple of years, we had consequences for his actions and usually they lasted the rest of the night. he suffered and we suffered. if we had something planned then we couldn’t do it because we didn’t want him to think that we forgot about what he did, but then we started suffering and fighting.
this new thing that we are doing does not take away from the action that deserves a consequence. if we feel like a behavior deserves more than just one popsicle stick or more than just no tv but losing other things then we have that option. we are the parents after all! lol
instead of going on colors by severity of consequence I just wrote on plain popsicle sticks. I’m hoping that it gives him some kind of control over his action. instead of us telling him what is going to happen, he draws from the container to find out what happens.
I am hoping that this reward system works well and doesn’t come back to bite us in the butt!
have you ever done anything like this before for your kids?
anything that you can add or help me would be much appreciated!